where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We are all done wearing pants today
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
