Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
