I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
