I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
