I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
