I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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