I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
