i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
