Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
