What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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