how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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