Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
