You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
