Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
