I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
