On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My liver just broke up with me...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
