The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
