Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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