never play flip cup with pint glasses
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
