You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize