your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
