Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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