shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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