I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
