i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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