with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am spending my child support on dildos
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
