i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
