I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
