he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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