Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize