Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
