I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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