I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
