p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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