So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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