My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just high enough for therapy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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