if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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