Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
