So drunk its hurt
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
