I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
