I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
