How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My pussy is not your playground.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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