I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize