I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
