I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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