the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
