So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
