i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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