I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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