I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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