After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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