Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
