i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
