I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
