Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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