i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
