I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
