I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can I color on your dick again?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize