Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
