I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
