My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
