your room smells of hookers.
And success
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
