We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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