if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
