i think my tv is drunk
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Randomize
