I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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