sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
