Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
