That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think my moral compass just broke
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
