my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
