Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize